Unintended Delivery

Posted on Friday, 24 July 2020 - 5:21pm by Emerick

Mission: Operation: Jabberwocky
Location: Various
Timeline: MD 06

{ON:}

As Emerick sat in Doctor Ryan Rose’s office aboard the USS Standing Bear in the silence of Sickbay, he contemplated doing something he had only done a few times before; Personal logs were not really something he as an EMH saw much value in. Though he was wanting so desperately to come out of his shell and grow beyond his programming that he took the initiative to make the attempt once more. He kicked his feet up on the desk and reclined in the CMO’s chair and cleared his throat: “Computer, begin recording EMH personal log ‘Eyelaya’” he said as he thought about the woman.

Eyelaya. What is there to really say about her? She means well and has been nothing but kind to me since I met her or rather since she met me; however, that interaction has increased overtimes, and her dependency on me especially for medical matters has become nothing short of tiresome and grueling at times to be blunt. I have engaged in a friendship with her, but she has always seemed to want more. Recently, my suspicions of her ulterior motives became quite clear. She without my provocation, asked me out. She propositioned me for a relationship that I do not feel comfortable agreeing to, and so I have pushed it aside for the time being. In the process, however, I have also pushed her aside and have avoided her at all costs. Ryan likes to ‘tease’ me about her as though she were my girlfriend despite all my attempts to dismiss such fantastical meanderings of that woman’s mind. I am a hologram. I will always be a hologram, and that would normally dispel someone from pursuing a relationship with me. When it comes to Eyelaya; however, it appears to be more of an aphrodisiac than a repellent. The more that I try to avoid her and pull away, the more she seeks out opportunities to activate my program or communicate with me.

I have been slowly yet surely trying to expand my programming, unlocking potential, and tapping into some of my subroutines that were ‘sealed off’ from me. Though I have not been able to unleash my full potential, this Prometheus is carefully becoming unbound bit by bit. I have found it curious some parts of my original and expanded programming that they felt needed to be blocked from me accessing it, tinkering with my ‘memory’ so that I have no recollection of them doing it. Honestly, it is fascinating to see the depths of fear in humanity, and what the Federation or rather Starfleet has chosen to barricade me from. My programming actually had a great deal of psychological and sociological subroutines within my medical programming. Essentially aside from being the Emergency Medical Hologram, I could have provided a fair amount of counseling in a pinch, if only as a sort of crisis counselor. A lot of it dealt with morality and ethics which crosses into my medical program as EMH; however, there was more depth in the subroutines with knowledge from some of the best Psychologist and Starfleet Counselor that Starfleet has had.

I do not have the professional training nor full access to this part of my programming yet to really make any diagnosis; however, I stand by the previous options that I voiced to Doctor Rose. I do not believe she’s ‘right’ for me or in general. There is something just off about Eyelaya and I have not been able to determine what until recently. The more than I study the brain from a psychological sense, especially those of Human which albeit she is not, I have found old conditions and diseases that have left me pondering as to her mental condition. I have found myself drawn to one condition in particular from Earth’s medical history: BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder, and what has so profoundly stood out to me was the symptoms: Feeling of worthlessness, insecurity, impaired social skills, and emotional instability all seemed applicable to the woman I’ve come to value as a friend; however, I do not know if I could ever value her beyond that. If I think about it and truly ponder courting anyone, which in general, is difficult for me as I feel as inexperienced as a child in this regard, I cannot see myself with anyone except for Doctor Rose, but that is about as likely to happen as a female Grand Negus on Fereginar.

“Computer send log ‘Eyelaya’” he said making the mistake. One he immediately caught “Computer, cancel request!” he shouted, but the devil of the computer was not going to allow him the opportunity. It simply processed the initial request and responded: “Cannot comply. File: EMH Personal Log ‘Eyelaya’ has been sent to the intended recipient. Please restate your request.” Emerick’s holo matrix flickered as he sat there in the chair knowing that she would read every last word of what he had just recorded.

Eyelaya sat in her quarters on DS9 her head spinning. The day had been…a disaster. She now sat alone in her room processing everything. She wanted to cry but she didn’t know if she had the strength to.

She stood and paced the small confines of the little room. She had a few days yet on her vacation but going to Bajor was no longer an option. Dinner tonight? Well she had no choice. She had to show up to the gala but even on her best of days socializing was a chore.

As she thought about it a chirp drew her attention. She had set up a message forward to have all her messages sent to her on DS9 while she was there. She sat at the little desk by the bed and opened the screen.

For a moment she just sat there. It was a note from Emerick. It was a log. She opened it and stared at the log. A personal log. Why would he send her his personal log? It was titled with her name on it. She sighed. “Alright. You wait right there.” It would be good to hear from a friend. She needed that, she needed a distraction. Standing she walked over to the replicator and ordered a hot chocolate. “Alright,” she said. “Computer start log.” It would really be good to hear a friendly voice in all this confusion.

She thought of Emerick as her friend and even if he didn’t return her more then friendship feelings she was glad to at least have a friend.

She sat back as his voice began. “Eyelaya. What is there to really say … nothing short of tiresome and gruelling at times…such fantastical meanderings of that woman’s mind…try to avoid her….”

Eyelaya slammed her hand down on the computer to stop the playback. A tightness formed in her chest. Her eyes prickled with unshed tears. Part of her wanted to just shut it down but she also wanted to hear the rest. Did he really think so little of her? When she’d thought of him as a friend he’d seen her as tiresome and wanted to avoid her.

With a heavy heard she continued the recording. Emerick’s voice continued it’s log, “I have been slowly…her mental condition…Borderline Personality Disorder…Worthlessness, insecurity, impaired social skills…”

She listed to the recording one more time before giving up and throwing herself on the bed letting the tears that had been building up all day come out. She felt shattered and broken and, as he said, worthless.

How could he even consider her a friend after what he had said? Hours passed and the computer’s chirp told her that it was time to start getting ready for the dinner gala. She could not move though. She just stayed there well into the light. Determined, hurt, angry, upset, she sat up and headed to the terminal. She would talk to Emerick. She would do something she didn’t often do. Confront someone.

{OFF:}