No Idea About Love

Posted on Sunday, 10 May 2020 - 12:47pm by Emerick & Lieutenant Ryan Rose MD

Mission: Operation: Recall
Location: Gym
Timeline: 2393 MD2

Ryan was clad in a pair of gym short and trainers, his tshirt laying sweat soaked and discarded beside him. He held his left ribcage with his right hand, his grip and the weight of his arm offering some support. His feet were tucked under a weight bench as he did situps. It was nice to have the gym to himself. Not something he usually achieved, even at 3:45am. He didn't mind working out with others, and had regular self-defense matches, but when it came to the basics of a long run and a general workout, sometimes he preferred solitude.

The solitude that he would not get for very long. The starship's emergency medical hologram was ever vigilant and had a particular fondness for keeping track of the Chief Medical Officer. Emerick was limited to several places on the starship. The gymnasium was not without injury occurrences and had been equipped with holo emitters. This allowed Emerick's program the ability to materialize there which he soon did. He was dressed in short gym shorts that were thigh tight and rested well above his knees with a sleeveless top. He stood there looming over Ryan. "It's 0345 in the morning. Is this really necessary?" asked Emerick.

Ryan startled, almost pulling the weight bench over on himself. But he managed to right it. "Jeez, Emerick. You have to stop sneaking up on me." He took a deep breath. "What's wrong?"

The hologram crossed his arms in protest. "I did not 'sneak,' I materialized and my matrix stabilized. Therefore, I am here" he replied unashamedly that he did so unannounced. "I was in Sickbay and your heart rate was up. I have monitored your whereabouts and such and when your heart rate increased, I started observing more closely" explained Emerick. "Yes, yes. I know. 'How and why' was I monitoring your heart rate" the hologram said. "I have decided to monitor your life sign...your bio readings. I wanted to study human more and I chose you."

Ryan ran a hand over his sweaty face. "You decided to monitor my bio readings. Without asking." Ryan stated. He sighed, and laid flat on his back, trying to not only gather his thoughts but ease the pain from his ribs as well. Emerick had seen him curled up under his desk, sweaty and flat on his back was not going to shock the man. "Ok, we'll just skip over the ethics of that for now. You have my permission. Now, what are you planning on learning from this analysis?" There, that sounded logical in the midst of this middle of the night craziness.

"My anatomy does not react the same as a human or any solid living breathing species does" explained Emerick. "I need to monitor how your body reacts and responds to various stimuli and activities. It is crucial for me to speed up my understanding because a member of the crew has approached me...about things...things I know nothing about, and I think they are serious about wanting to date me."

"Ok, so are you wanting to specifically learn about sexual behavior?" This was not a conversation Ryan ever expected to have with a hologram. He'd had plenty of very frank discussions about sex with patients, so it wasn't a topic that made him uncomfortable. It was a little disconcerting that Emerick thought he was a good baseline for that kind of data though.

"Mmmmmaybe" replied Emerick in what would have come off as bashfully had he been human. "I tried to tell her that she was being ridiculous and childlike to have feelings for me when I cannot possibly have feelings for her, but that did not stop her. She is convinced there is something between us...and I am about ready to try and make it happen...put several decks between us for as long as she's aboard" teased Emerick.

"Why do you think you can't have feelings for her?" Ryan slowly got himself off the ground and took a seat on the weight bench. "You've had feelings about being deactivated and activated and treated like an invisible object. As far as I know, none of those were purposefully programmed into you."

"Eh" replied Emerick. "Mark II had some issues. They fixed a majority of them, but some of that paranoia is there. I have never experienced love. At least not that I am aware of. They really purged a lot of my memory files and blocked off quite a bit in recent years. All I really know is I'm supposed to treat patients."

"Alright. Well how can I help you figure it out?" Ryan asked. He'd let Emerick decide how to move forward.

"Do you think it is possible for me to love someone. Is that within my capabilities? Does my program allow it?" He knew Ryan wasn't an engineer or computer programmer. "Why would anyone want to be involved with someone that is just a bunch of programming, Ryan?"

"A learning program." Ryan stood up, he let his hand fall from his ribcage "Do something for me?

"Of course," Emerick replied. He greatly admired the skillful surgeon. "What is it that you need me to do?" asked Emerick.

"Hug me," Ryan stated simply.

Emerick's eyes widened and he could feel something different in his program. His own breathing pattern changed though he did not actually breathe his program had learned to mimic some responses. "Ryan," he said as he moved closer to the man. His arms wrapped around the Chief Medical Officer. His head rested on against Doctor Rose's neck.

"Alright. Stay like that a moment. What do you feel, from me?" Ryan didn't try to control his reaction. Even his voice wavered a bit. One of the reasons Ryan had accepted Emerick as sentient so easily, was that he triggered Ryan. This close, Ryan was fighting his flight response, even though he knew he was perfectly safe.

Emerick used his 'senses' to respond to this inquiry. Was it a test? He didn't care. "I feel the warmth. Your body temperature is reasonably warmer than the room and your chest is sweaty. I can smell you. This embrace is...safe and reassuring."

"Alright good." Ryan took a step back. Most of what Emerick said was just data-driven, but he'd hit on something at the end. "Safe and reassuring? What made you say that?"

There was a small tinge of sadness, a melancholy howl from within him. He didn't mean to but as Ryan stepped back, Emerick reached forward. He didn't manage to grab onto anything, but he stood there frozen. His program running perfectly fine. His head bowed momentarily and he brought his gaze upward.

He asked you a question Emerick reprimanded himself. "You are the Chief Medical Officer and a masterful surgeon. Who better to be in the presence of? I said it because it is just as I am the Emergency Medical Hologram. Every time I see you I feel the safest I've ever felt."

Ryan reached out and put his hand on Emerick's shoulder. "Thank you. That is the farthest thing from what I expected, but I'm honored. Feeling love or fear, or anything else, isn't any different than feeling safe. You weren't programmed to feel safe or unsafe. You were programmed to respond under safe and unsafe conditions sure but without any emotional component. That's all you." Ryan smiled. "So if you want to know if I think you can feel love? Yes, I absolutely do. Maybe you don't know how yet, but if you want to, I'm sure you'll learn."

Emerick nodded in agreement. The assessment was fair, but he was not sure what to make of his own response to embracing the Doctor. "What if it isn't can I love, but who? What if it isn't her. I've told her that I don't think I have it can have those feelings towards her."

Ryan pondered. When it seemed he was being quiet too long he finally replied. "I don't know. Maybe you won't feel it with her. Love is complicated. Well, romantic love anyway. Maybe you should tell her what you just told me. You don't have to be in love to date. I mean that's kind of the whole purpose as I understand it, you date to find out if there is something there."

Emerick nodded. "This is true" he replied. "I just have a tendency to do things awkwardly or that come off as such. Like when she kissed my cheek" he said. It gave away her identity. "I kissed yours and you had to correct that pattern."

Ryan chuckled briefly. "Emerick, you're no more awkward than anybody else. We all have our own quirks. I wouldn't worry so much about impressions. I mean she asked you out, so she sees something in you."

"It's Eyelaya" he replied dismissively. "She doesn't do well with people and would marry the ship if she could" he added. "I want to recognized as an individual, not romanticized because of what I'm not."

Ryan knew it was Eyelaya, but he hadn't considered Emerick's concern before. "That's a really good point. I can see where you might be romanticized because you aren't biological, but it could also be that she considers you safe. I think you're being a little harsh on her anyway, she's not that bad."

"I know I'm being harsh, but the harsh reality is she is an escapist, Ryan," said Emerick. "She cannot handle the world of flesh and blood beings and social interactions. So, she relates to technology. To me and yet all I want is to be more real, to be part of that flesh and blood reality" he added.

"I do not want my first love to be someone who wants me because I'm not human. I want someone who makes me forget I'm not human and who makes me feel...safe."

Ryan nodded. "See, you just realized what you wanted. And if you ask me, if you can be worried about this future hypothetical love, you can find it."

"Well then," Emerick said. He looked at Ryan. "Holodeck 1, tonight after work and dress... casual" Emerick said before letting the Doctor get a word in. The hologram simply deactivated himself.

Ryan stood there, taking a moment to realize that that had just happened. He should activate Emerick right now and explain some things. But he was tired and in need of a shower. He could not deal with Emerick without a few more hours of sleep. Ryan headed towards the showers and hoped he could get to the couch in his office to try and nab a few more hours of sleep.

to be continued.....

 

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