Then, and Now

Posted on Sunday, 2 May 2021 - 9:44am by Lieutenant T'Lanna Vali & Lieutenant Ryan Rose MD

Mission: Operation: Peace or P'Jem
Location: Sickbay

{ON}

~ THEN ~

T’Lanna lay on her biobed her eyes firmly fixed on her son who was lying in a crib at her bedside, her hand was stretched out gently holding Jayce’s hand. Without her senses touch was the only contact she had with Jayce. Tears ran down her cheeks at the thought of her last call from her father, he was gone she could feel it deep down inside and it made her heart ache.

"Hey." Ryan came up along T'Lanna's free side, and gently took her hand. He took a tissue and gently wiped the tears from her face.

T’Lanna offered a brief smile amongst her tears as she gently took the tissue from Ryan’s hand and finished wiping her face. “Thank you Ryan.” She moved to sit up. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”

Ryan helped her sit up at about a 45 degree angle, using the controls on the bio bed with one hand, and keeping the other at T'Lanna's shoulder. "You're welcome. How are you feeling?"

“Bad .. I know how many people on this ship are sensitives Ryan” she wiped away a few more tears. “I’m just glad Jayce isn’t old enough to have his abilities yet, the damage I could have done to such a young child ...” She shook her head. “Now you know why I have to keep myself under control.” She sighed. “I want you to keep my abilities totally shut down for now, I’m not ready to control them, and if we encounter Andorians ...” She paused. “I don’t dare think what could happen.”

Ryan nodded. "I can do that. It's not a long term option, but you don't have to worry about it right this moment. Would you like some tea?" He offered with a small smile.

“Please” T’Lanna nodded, offering a small smile of her own.

Ryan went to the replicator, returning with 2 mugs of herbal tea. he offered one of the mugs to T'Lanna.

“Thank you” She took the tea, she sipped it slowly before cradling the cup. “My father is gone Ryan, I can feel it. He told me the he was proud of me, that our home on Vulcan was mine now!” She shook her head. “For years I wanted nothing to do with my father! We only recently started to get close. Now I’ve lost him!!”

Ryan wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't privy to the details of T'Lanna's relationship with her father, and didn't want to offend. "I'm sorry for your loss." It seemed so trite a saying, as heartfelt as he meant it.

T’Lanna nodded. “Thank you” She took a deep breath. “All I remember after his death was feeling like my world had been torn in two. I just .. filled with rage, and anger. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I’m sorry that I did.”

"It wasn't intentional. We just need to figure out how to keep it from happening again. For now, the neural inhibitor will do. We'll figure something else out as soon as we can. Do you need anything?"

T’Lanna shook her head. “Just a chance to go back and change what happened.” She sighed. “Thank you for asking, if I think of anything I’ll let you know.”


~ NOW ~

T’Lanna was glad to be off the Andorian ship, and back aboard the Standing Bear. She waited until Ryan was free knowing he’d need to check her over to make sure she was okay. “Ryan, I want this inhibitor either adjusted.” She offered a smile. “Soral had me turn it off for a short duration for an escape attempt, then he ordered me to put it back on. It felt good to be me, the true me. Can it be arranged? I don’t care if I have to wear it to stop anymore outbursts as long as I can be more myself.”

"Ok. Hold on." Ryan chuckled softly. "Let me at least get some scans first so I know what I'm dealing with. Tell me about the mission, what you can anyway, especially how turning the inhibitor off made you feel." His face was clearly unhappy about that, but he wasn't going to lecture T'Lanna. He would have a talk with the XO though.

T’Lanna nodded. “I’m sorry, I guess I am getting ahead of myself after what happened.” She paused. “At first I was afraid to turn off the inhibitor, especially being aboard a ship full of Andorians. Soral talked me through what I had to do. He kept me calm.” She paused, and looked at Ryan curiously. “You’re not sure I’m ready to have my senses back are you?”

"To be honest, no I'm not. But it's my job to be cautious." He made a 'follow me' motion. "Let's get some scans." He headed towards the back of sickbay to the higher powered scanner. "Any adverse affects while it was removed? Headaches, etcetera?"

“Kind of” She nodded. “But then I was attempting something that I’d never done before. Without Soral to keep me calm and focussed it probably wouldn’t have ended well.”

Ryan got things set up on the scanner as he listened. "Well, let's take a look. How are things otherwise?"

“They’re kind of okay” She paused. “To be honest I don’t really know. After my initial outburst when I lost my father, I just seem to feel .. numb.” She offered a brief smile. “The number of people I’ve seen after the death of loved ones and here I am struggling to feel what I want to feel. It feels wrong not to feel anything.”

Ryan nodded in understanding. "It's one thing to know something logically, and professionally, and an entirely different thing when it's you in the middle of it.
If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

T'Lanna nodded. "I know, thank you Ryan. I still feel guilty for hurting people, I know that isn't going to disappear overnight."

"I'd be more worried if it did." He smiled. "You know, I hate to bring it up so soon, but we need to consider what to do for those who need counseling and may. not feel comfortable talking to you about it. What's your opinion? Emerick and I could take a few each?"

T’Lanna nodded. “I was thinking about that actually. I wouldn’t blame the crew if they wanted to stay the hell away from me. I’d appreciate it if you could both help.” She offered a smile.

"Yeah, of course. I'll see to it."

“Thank you” T’Lanna offered a smile. “So what do the tests say? Can I at least have some level of my abilities back?”

Ryan shook his head. "You really need to rest." Ryan showed her the test results, so she could see the areas of her brain he was concerned about. "I'd like to leave it on and test again in 3 days."

T’Lanna looked at the readings. “Is it really that bad?” She was surprised at the readouts on his PADD. “Alright, 3 days it is. Guess I get more practice at what it’s like to be more Vulcan than Betazoid.” She offered a brief smile.

"That's the spirit." Ryan smiled. "Better to play is safe, and it's only 3 days."

She nodded. “Thank you Ryan” she stood ready to leave, “I have to go collect Jayce, we have some important bonding to catch up on.”

"Of course. Give the baby a snuggle for me." Ryan replied.

T’Lanna nodded. “Always, feel free to drop by to see him anytime. I’m sure he’d love to see his uncle Ryan!” She grinned for the first time in what felt like a long time.

Ryan smiled back. "I will be taking you up on that. We just won't tell my niece about the uncle thing."

T'Lanna grinned. "Thank you Ryan" She gave him a brief hug before heading out of the door.

{OFF}