Sum of our fears

Posted on Sunday, 27 September 2020 - 5:25pm by Lieutenant Alex Kingsley

Computer, begin recording personal log. Insert star date and time...

I hate recording these. It seems like I should though, just in case. I've lost track of days and hours, they've begun to blur together in a mass of sensor analysis and reviews of mission reports from any ship in the fleet who has recorded anything like this.

Which is a lot, by the way.

Our search had to be vague so we cast a wide net but seriously, they should have more warnings stamped on the back of the admission tests or something... But then we all knew this was a dangerous career choice. I mean there are so many risks out there and who knows what tomorrow will bring. Or what wonders.

Like Jamie - I mean who knew when he would crash land in a shuttle he would find a rare spore that was a potent antiviral agent. Jamie! Who blew up a lab on his first day at the academy. He is a walking red alert but a hero to a few dozen colonies out near the old Romulan border.

What am I talking about… God, I need to sleep.

And I’ll admit it, I am scared. For everyone who is missing but especially Soral. After everything that happened, losing our bond, finding out about his family... the past while he has felt so far away from me and now...

I promised Severine I would find him and I will. No matter what I love him and I know he would stop at nothing - did to stop at nothing - to find me. He has two children he has to watch grow up and a mountain of paperwork to keep him busy. Sorry about that...

T'Lanna is gone too. Just like Mac, and Raith and even Bones. I can't even go in our quarters right now. It is eerily quiet and the rift that opened there scared me a litle. Scientifically fascinating but terrifying. As terrifying as my growing urge to throw Grol out of the nearest airlock. His one good grace is that anything urgent, he manages to find me. The rest of it, Soral can help me with when he gets back.

I don't know where my confidence is coming from but if there is a way to get him and the other's back, we will find it. I just hope we find something soon, the longer they are gone the more I dwell on what could be happening to them. What they are going through.

We need to find them. And soon.

I even recorded a message to my mother. I never do that. But who knows who will disappear next. I haven't had any of the strange dreams but maybe I just don't remember them. Or maybe what Sara did to me protected me from it somehow. I don't know. But yeah, I made a new message. I hope she never has to watch it and she knows how much I miss and love her. Cathartic to say it out loud though. And just speaking to her, even if she isn't there to answer back, is more comforting than it should be to someone made first officer of a ship.

Okay, enough of this. Back to work.

Computer, end recording."