Maelstrom of the Mind

Posted on Wednesday, 27 January 2021 - 4:17pm by Commander Soral

ON:

Soral paced back and forth through his tiny office. The Yeoman he shared with the CO had long gone for a nap and now he was left to pace and let his own thoughts take hold. Alex was planning a girls night out with Adrianna and he was due on the bridge so he picked up Bones and headed that way.

He’d also brought something he hadn’t brought in a long time, his journal.

His emotions were all over the place as the ship neared its destination, the ruins of what was once a great empire. So many had died when the star went nova not just Romulans but Remans and others. His heart bleed for them. Now that he knew that he was part Romulan as well, it all served to add more pain to the conflict that he was feeling.

He slid into his chair and started the shift as he always did, by reviewing and of shift reports, making notes, replying to questions from the crew and then he settled into the big chair for the night. He allowed himself some time to watch as the stars flew by. The hum of the ship, the vibrations, the sight of the stars whizzing by all calmed him. He was able to let his mind go blank and just focus on the sensations.

It took a good half an hour for him to calm down enough to begin his journal entry. Opening his notebook he took up his pen and began to write.

I am now fulfilling my bridge duties and yet I find that I cannot focus, not until I have written within this journal. I fear that I am not myself as of late. I do not know if it was the occurrences on Earth or the latest cards I have been dealt that include a brother and a wife who is jealous and worried that I may take another. I do not write this as a reprimand to Alexandra. She is the best wife I could have asked for. Far beyond anything that I deserve yet she worries about T’Paris and me having a roving eye. I often wonder if it is something that I lack. I have been unable to reassure her that I would never stray as my path is her path. Perhaps I have failed as a husband. She would say no but is that the truth or her natural need to protect me.

That is another thing. She went off with one of the Intel petty officers and was injured without telling me. I do not know in whom I am more disappointed the petty officer or Alexandra but again I wonder if it is because they feel that I cannot handle the truth or that am in some way … I do not know. It often gives me headaches just to think on it.

There is another thing that has been occupying my mind. Evesta. She has left something with my sister, a holo that I have yet to watch. In it, I presume, she explains why she hid the existence of our children from me, yet another woman in my life that has decided to hide something from me.

There are times when I regret my decision to enter Starfleet. I wonder if I would have been better served with the monastic life.

He sighed. He closed his notebook and set it on the XO chair while he rose and headed to the replicator that was located on the right side of the bridge. Bones looked up and followed him with his eyes as he got his tea and then sat back down.

Soral placed his tea in the cup holder that was attached to the arm rest and then opened his notebook again. He re-read the last few lines and then continued.

I must admit to a certain confusion, loss of self, loss of peace and I think I may have figured out how I can settle my turning mind. I have asked T’Paris to assist me with a ceremony but because Alexandra will be cross I have decided against it.

T’Paris has, however, provided me with the sacred texts and I was able to create a ceremony on the holodeck that may bring me in touch with the one source that may be able to … shed some light. Ironic that only the darkness of death can shed light on the maelstrom of life. It has been long since I have attempted to commune with Shariel and it could all end badly yet I must try. I would feel better if I could have the assistance of another Vulcan someone who is trained in the old ways like T’Paris or perhaps T’Lara. I cannot risk it though. I will not have Alexandra worry for anything as the ceremony does involve a touching of minds.

I have consulted with Seprin of Vulcan the master of Kholinar and he has given me an alternative ceremony that I may try. Having secured a day off tomorrow I will go ahead and attempt the ritual.

Of course the other thing that could be dangerous is if I am in Pon Farr, as I suspect I am, this may accelerate the cycle greatly. What is clear is that I will need to consult doctor Rose prior to beginning this and I hope that he will have some answers for me.

Soral closed his notebook as one of the ensigns approached with a data PaDD in hand. He would have to go back to work.

Work waited for nobody and he would have to wait a little longer before he allowed himself to turn into his thoughts. A few hours was a small price if all of this would clear his troubled mind.

OFF: