Musings

Posted on Wednesday, 27 January 2021 - 1:45pm by Lieutenant Alex Kingsley

The ship has left Jupiter station behind yet the repercussions of what happened on Earth still seems to haunt us. What seemed to be little more than civil unrest caused by a minority of Neanderthals who had stumbled on some shared idiotic belief that aliens did not belong on Earth, quickly escalated with tragic consequences. And not just on Earth. On Jupiter station, too. Soral's intervention ultimately ended up with him hurt, badly. Yet he stopped a horrific attack claiming more than one life. It was one life too many. A pregnant woman who will now never set eyes upon her baby... how many times will a things like this happen? Senseless deaths that achieve nothing but create more suffering...

Since we departed the station things have been... strange. T'Paris and I had a disagreement. To put it mildly. Needless to say I don't trust her, or believe her in the slightest when she denies any interest in Soral. And God, yes, I know I must sound like some sort of high school drama. But I find my patience for her is incredibly short. Soral seems oblivious to it all. Well, not the fight, he saw that in all it's bad tempered fury. But in his mind it is not the Vulcan way to go after a Vulcan who has a mate.

I'm not sure T'Paris got that memo...

I guess what annoys me more is that I know I have a short temper at times, but even I usually manage to avoid a full on fight in the middle of a gym just because another woman wants to make insinuations about me, my heritage and my marriage. Maybe because she keeps hitting a raw nerve. I know Soral would be far better with another Vulcan. Someone who could master meditation like he does, rather than I. I get distracted, frequently. More so when he is there. That side of our marriage is incredibly healthy, thank you.

Yet another Vulcan could also be prepared for what Pon Farr will throw at us. From speaking with others, from observing him, I am certain he is displaying at least early signs.

Which brings me back to our bond. The way it was broken caused so much damage and the longer it takes to heal, I feel this anger that I can't explain. At myself. At Sara. And sometimes at Soral for those times when he dismisses my own guilt. I deserve to feel guilt. For I lost control that day and if I hadn't, my mother would never have confided in Sara and then she wouldn't have done what she did. And while it is a private thing, apparently word has spread on the ship that our bond is broken. I don't know how she could know but I don't even need two guesses to figure out who would do such a thing.

Dr Rose says there is some overall improvement, but we are not even close to being able to try again. Another scan in four weeks. Waiting. Endless waiting.
And without our bond, Soral will not survive what is coming.

There have been moments. Little sparks of hope. When Soral was in hospital there was just a few seconds when I felt like the bond was there, between us. It flared for the briefest of instants and I think we both suffered headaches for days. And now, maybe, Haru can help us. If he can heal me enough, then Soral and I can try to establish our bond again. It is dangerous, but I cannot turn down a chance to save him.

We are heading for the Neutral Zone.

I think this next mission will be difficult for Soral. Maybe others. By the time I joined Starfleet, the Romulans Soral and Captain Stillwater remember were no more. The Romulan people were scattered, refugees. Those that could escape. I remember my old professor, he had often corresponded with a Romulan scientist. Long before the star went supernova, he disappeared. That, or my professor said with a rueful smile, or the Tal Shiar thought his chess moves to be the work of a brilliant mind at Starfleet Intelligence. There were stories, he said, of Romulan scientists who had dared to speak up, to warn of what was coming. Only to be considered traitors and disappear. Only stories, he had added. I think he suddenly remembered he was speaking to a then fifteen year old rather than his usually empty classroom.

I don't know what the mission will bring, other than some more Bridge duty on night shift. Soral and I are often on opposite schedules and I've made him promise to meditate more often. And I have research to finish and a paper to write. Without coffee and chocolate. I'm not sure it is possible, or if Soral will be quite ready to deal with me once the last drop of caffeine leaves my system. As I said to Haru, this whole diet thing is barbaric.

Should make the next personal log interesting, right?

Computer, end recording.

 

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