A speedbump on the road to happiness

Posted on Tuesday, 2 June 2020 - 2:20pm by Lieutenant Raith Kolani & Lieutenant T'Lanna Vali

Mission: Operation: Recall
Location: Raith’s Quarters
Timeline: The evening of T’Lanna’s return

{ON}

Arriving at the door to Raith’s Quarters T’Lanna was already chomping at the bit to see him, all the emotion she’d bottled up was already welling up inside her at the thought of being safe in Raith’s arms again. She reached out a shaky hand and pressed the chime.

Raith looked up as he heard the door chime. He put down the PADD he was reading and for a moment, hoping that it was T'Lanna. He knew that she had been gone for a while and he had missed her. But he also knew the reasons as to why and knew that she would be going through or had gone through a difficult time.

"Enter," he said as he stood up from his chair.

No sooner was the door open then T’Lanna was through, burying her face in Raith’s chest she started to cry, with the floodgates open it soon turned into heartfelt sobbing.

Raith held her as T'Lanna buried her head into his chest and he made sure that he simply held her and let her pour out her emotions upon him. This simply answered the question that he had been holding onto.

"Let it out baby, let it out," he whispered. "I'm here."

It took a few more minutes before T’Lanna finally got the pent up emotion out of her system. She didn’t like to show weakness, she never had liked to cry in front of others but Raith was her Imzadi and if he wanted it, her future husband too. She lifted her head and wiped her eyes and face offering Raith a calmer look, “I ... I’m sorry!”

"It's ok, don't be sorry for letting out how you feel. Never hide yourself from me," Raith said gently and helped her over to the sofa. As he sat T'Lanna down, Raith headed to the bathroom and grabbed some tissues. He returned and put them on the coffee table before them. Handing several sheets to her, Raith looked at T'Lanna and could see the distress and emotion.

"If you want to talk to me, I'm here, but please don't feel pressured to do so," he explained.

“I’ve hidden my emotions for too long” She paused to pick up some fresh tissues. “It didn’t feel appropriate to cry in front of those at my mother’s funeral. I didn’t want ... to dishonour my father.” She took a calming breath. “At least I got a chance to get to know my father better.”

Raith could see that honouring how her Father felt was important to her whilst she was away with him and it was clear that she had been holding on to this emotional baggage for a long time. "It's ok, I can understand that you've held onto this for a while, you can let it go here with me," Raith explained.

"Although, its good that you were with your Father when saying goodbye to your mother... it's good that you were both there for her," he said. Raith was certain that T'Lanna hadn't spoken much about her father when they had been together before but it was clear there were some family issues between them. He allowed her to continue talking.

“My father and I never really saw eye to eye much. He’d say he wasn’t annoyed with me but to me it felt like he was, annoyed and disappointed.” She paused before smiling. “I know that’s not true now, for the first time I understand my father better. He’s actually approving of my choices, of you and me.” She smiled.

"Understanding and learning to understand parents can be a great gift...and it seems like you have made a step with your father whilst you were away and that's a good thing," Raith explained as he could see that she was starting to feel a little better as she talked. He realized that it hurt seeing T'Lanna so upset.

"Its also good that he knows of us and that he also approves of the two of us being together," Raith said. "Do I take it that you explained about the baby and also about our decision to be together and for the baby as well?"

T’Lanna nodded. “Actually there’s something I need to ask you. I’m due my Pon’farr soon but I think it may delay until after I’ve had the baby because of the hormones in my system. We haven’t ... bonded yet and the Pon’farr will push bonding to its maximum and beyond. My father tells me if it’s done properly it could kill you!” She paused. “He said if you’re happy with it we can be bonded by a priestess instead. I’m not sure what’s involved but it would, in the eyes of Vulcan lore, make you my husband.”

Raith listened carefully to what T'Lanna said and when she finished, he stood up from the sofa and took a few steps away before turning to face her. "Bond? together...?" he asked. Raith had a look of uncertainty on his face and suddenly felt unsure and worried.

"I...erm... I'm not sure," he said, feeling uncertain. "I...er...er...I need to think about this...I mean this is all moving so fast..." He sat against the armchair. "I'm sorry, this has caught me off guard."

T’Lanna nodded. “I ... I’m sorry, I know it’s ...” She stood feeling like she’d suddenly pushed Raith into a corner. “You err ... don’t have to make any decisions now. If you don’t want to ...” She slowly backed her way towards the door. “Then it’s okay, I can try meditation or ...” She shook her head and quickly dived for the doorway.

Raith watched, dumbstruck as T'Lanna left his quarters in her current state. He hated seeing her this way and he realised that she'd just asked him to be her husband. Already committed to being a father to child that wasn't his, Raith was now staring the very possible path of being married to T'Lanna now...everything was moving so fast but he knew one overriding fact:

He loved T'Lanna and was now scared that he'd just pushed her away at a time when she needed him the most...because of his own fear. Raith broke down and began crying uncontrollably fearing what he might of just lost. He fell to a heap on the floor of his quarters and cried.

Outside in the corridor, T’Lanna stopped dead in her tracks, even with her own emotions a mess she felt the surge in emotion. She looked back wondering if she should go back before turning and heading straight back anyway. She didn’t bother to press the chime instead she walked straight in and rushed over to Raith’s side, kneeling beside him she cuddled him. “I’m sorry!”

Raith almost jumped as he felt T'Lanna come to his side on the floor. It was all he could do to lean into her and let her hold him. He kept sobbing for a moment before feeling he was ready to speak. "I love you T'Lanna...with all my heart...I want to be with you," he admitted.

Raith knew how he felt, however, the talk of bonding had caught him off guard and scared him. This was a harder part to admit to for him. "When you said about bonding... I just needed some time to get my head around the idea of this and what it involves and...it scared me as I know nothing about it." he let his head drop as he took a breath.

"All I know is...I love you."

T’Lanna smiled. “I love you too. I didn’t mean to spring it on you like that! I’ll be honest ... I’ve never come close to bonding with anyone before, it’s new to me too but there’s time for us to learn about it together.” She gently held onto him. “All I know is that you make me feel safe and loved, I can’t see myself without you.”

"That's all I want too," Raith said quietly as he enjoyed her touch and being held by her. In one way he was glad that she had come back to listen to him and why he reacted the way he did. On the other hand, Raith was also scared about what Bonding would involve and how they would be affected by it.

“Maybe we should talk to Commander Soral? He’s invited us for dinner tomorrow night. That’s if he doesn’t mind talking to us about the bonding. He’s more of an expert than me. I’m starting to feel pretty out in the cold where my knowledge of my own people is concerned.” T’Lanna sighed. “Right now all I want is to be here with you.”

Raith stood himself up and smiled as he made his way back to the sofa. He pulled over a blanket over the both of them as they cuddled together on the sofa, having managed to somehow navigate their first speedbump on the road to happiness...with many more to come.