Confessions of Inadequacy
Posted on Saturday, 3 April 2021 - 11:54am by Lieutenant T'Lanna Vali & Commander Soral
Operation: Trail of Tears
Location: Counselor's Quarters | USS Standing Bear
Soral found himself standing outside Vali's door. He wasn't sure if he should be here but she was a counselor and he did need to speak to someone. He rang the chime and waited.
T’Lanna was resting after her collapse on the bridge due to the recent stresses it felt good to be home relaxing with Jayce at her side. He was finally home with her after his stay in Sickbay and was sleeping peacefully. As the door chime rang she got up and walked to the door. Opening it she smiled warmly. “Soral, please come in.”
"Am I disturbing your rest?" He asked suddenly afraid that he was asking too much.
“Not at all” T’Lanna motioned Soral to take a seat. “Now we’re away from that area and the voices I’m recovering just fine. I’ve had adequate rest so please sit and talk to me.”
He sighed. "I need ... assistance. I am not well." It was a hard admission, one he'd never made before.
T’Lanna nodded. “May I ask, is this ... Pon’farr related, or is it something else?”
"That is what is making it difficult for me to control my emotions however the sentiment behind these emotions is what is worrisome."
“I’ve noticed that you’ve changed, and I can sense that you're feeling emotion.” T’Lanna paused as she sat down in her chair and tucked her feet up as she did so. “Your two halves are starting to intermix. As much as you trained to suppress your emotions, your Romulan half brings a whole new mix to your personality. Take it from a half Vulcan who knows, granted I never tried to suppress my emotions.”
"I cannot allow it to take hold. I am Vulcan."
“You are not just Vulcan Soral” T’Lanna glanced concernedly at her friend. “You are Romulan as well. That alters the map considerably. Up until now emotions have been foreign to you, now you know the truth those emotions are trying to make themselves known and you need to learn to deal with them.”
"That is not possible." He sighed. "Counselor. May I speak to you in confidence?"
“Everything you say to me is in confidence Soral.” T’Lanna offered a smile. “Tell me.”
He sighed. "As you know every person is a combination of dark and light. As a follower of Surak and the old Gods it is my devotion to Surak that keeps me balanced. Allowing emotions in is not an option."
T’Lanna nodded. “So to allow emotion would unbalance you.” She paused starting to understand better. “There are times I wish I knew a lot more than I did about being Vulcan. I only know what you’ve taught me and what I’ve studied since then, I will do whatever I can to help you Soral. What can I do to assist you in finding balance again?”
He sighed. "Nothing at the moment. I am... in the early stages of Pon'Farr and that is not helping either." He sighed.
T’Lanna nodded. “I understand. My own Pon’farr isn’t that far away either, I am lucky that Raith wishes to be with me.” She offered a smile. “Are you and Alex both prepared?”
"No. We cannot bond yet, it is not safe to do so...I know this weighs on her I wish that I could convince her that it will all work out." He sat back and rubbed the bridge of his nose; an uncharacteristic show of frustration.
“It will work out Soral, would you like me to talk to Alex? I can try and put her mind at rest if she’s willing to talk to me.”
"Perhaps, that may help. At the moment I am.... feeling overwhelmed more then ever in my life."
T’Lanna nodded. “May I suggest you take some time to yourself, away from your duties. Spend time with Alex and talk things through. With Pon’farr involved it doesn’t help with the stresses upon you.”
He smiled a little, something he rarely did. "Duty waits for nobody. Surak would say that we must attend to our duties when it is the most difficult."
T’Lanna nodded. “Surak was a wise man” she offered a smile. “Though you cannot do your duties if you’re worn down and unable to function properly.”
He sighed, "Perhaps." He studied her. "I know this assignment was difficult for you, how are you...feeling?"
T’Lanna offered a smile. “It was difficult but now the voices are gone I’m feeling, more or less, like me again.” She sounded a little cryptic. “To be honest I just ... don’t feel totally like me. It sounds odd I know but I can’t ...” She shook her head unable to explain.
"It will take some time, the telepathic energy there is...extremely strong and you are more attune to it. Try and rest and perhaps a telepathy blocker?"
T’Lanna shook her head. “I’ve had enough blockers, the Doctor even offered to sedate me to help me to recover after my collapse on the bridge but exhaustion took over in that incidence.” She paused. “I’ll get some extra rest, try to catch up. Hopefully it’ll fade of its own accord.”
He gave a nod. "Very well then." He stood. "I have taken up too much of your time. I should go."
“You haven’t taken up my time at all” T’Lanna smiled. “I appreciate your company. Once you are past all of this I would appreciate returning to our meditation sessions. That’s if you don’t mind?”
"Of course." He gave a nod.
“Oh Soral, while we’re being honest there is something that I should explain.” She paused. “A little while ago I said something to Alex that I just ... I didn’t mean to say. At the time I offended her but I didn’t mean to. It was in regards to you. I commented that if Raith and I were not together, and the two of you were not that I would be interested in you. I like you and I consider you a close friend, I just wanted you to know that I would never do anything to upset or offend either of you.”
He gave a nod. "Of course. Alexandra knows this too. I am sure she is not offended."
“She was very offended at first, but we’ve gotten past that” T’Lanna smiled. “I don’t know why I even told you that, I guess it’s because I don’t want any secrets between any of us. You’re my friends and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
He gave a nod. "Indeed, I should go. I have to check on N'vek he has … not been adjusting well."
T’Lanna nodded. “If he should need any help you know where I am.”