Sam is Gone

Posted on Wednesday, 27 May 2020 - 6:56am by Lieutenant T'Lanna Vali & Lieutenant Ryan Rose MD

Mission: Operation: Recall
Location: Counsellor’s Office
Timeline: After Stillwater is picked up

It was late for dinner, but Ryan had spent a few hours on paperwork after his shift, so he now sat with a sandwich in hand while he finished up the last bit. He wondered why there was so much of it. Before he could ponder on that question for too long, a PaDD spilled off the pile and conveniently landed in his lap.


"Dear Ryan,

I have decided to stay planetside. Commander Stillwater has graciously allowed me to stay at his home. It is lovely, and I already feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I wish you well, and hope you find happiness."

That was all it said. Ryan reread it, not quite processing the short and too the point goodbye note. Sam had left, not only without discussing it with him, but without even telling him. A third reading and it finally seemed to sink it. He felt his heart rate increase and it suddenly felt like he couldn't breath.

T’Lanna was sitting in her office going over some reports. Well truth be known she was going over a letter to Jason’s parents, she’d only met them a couple of times via subspace but they deserved to know that they were going to be grandparents. They’d lost their son having a grandchild could mean so much to them.

Ryan managed to ask the computer where T'Lanna was. He bolted out of his office and to hers, barging through the door unannounced and in the early stages of a full blown panic attack. He darted to the corner of her office, and shoved himself into a tight ball, his knuckles white against his knees which were pulled up tight to his body. He was hyper ventilating and mildly shocky.

T’Lanna glanced up in shock, quickly getting up from her seat she moved over to him. “Ryan...it’s okay!” She looked towards the replicator. “I’ll be right back!” Getting up she quickly moved over to the replicator and ordered an old fashioned paper bag before dashing back to Ryan. “Breathe into this...slow deep breaths, let the bag fill and empty as you breathe in and out.”

If he could breathe, he would laugh. He shuddered as she drew close enough to him to hand him the bag, but he did as instructed.

“It’s okay Ryan, you came here for my help.” T’Lanna smiled warmly. “Just keep breathing into the bag, it’ll help trust me.” She knelt beside him leaving enough room so as not to make him feel crowded.

After several minutes, Ryan was able to control his breathing enough to remove the bag. "Sorry." He said shakily, still huddled in the corner.

“There’s no need to apologise, I’m here to help remember!” She smiled. “Do you feel up to talking about it?”

Ryan nodded. "Can I get some water first please."

“Of course” T’Lanna stood and moved over to the replicator. She returned a few moments later with two glasses of chilled water, handing one gently to Ryan. “Take as long as you need.”

Ryan nodded, and took his time to slowly sip at his water. By the time he was half done he was feeling less shaky. He wasn't ready to move, but he did relax his hold on his knees. "Sam stayed on the planet where we picked up Stillwater. She left me a note."

T’Lanna nodded. “I’m so sorry Ryan, I can imagine it came as quite a shock losing Sam that way.”

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. I wasn't prepared. I thought we'd at least talk about it." He took a few more deep breaths. "Thanks for the bag and the water."

“Anytime!” She grinned. “It was an old fashioned method but it works a treat for panic attacks. Would you like to sit on the sofa or are you happy where you are?”

"Well I'm not sure happy is an apt description, but just give me a few minutes, and I'll be out of your hair. It still feels like my chest is being stepped on." He confessed. "How are you?" He asked. Which was odd, considering he was the one huddled in the corner, just one step recovered from a panic attack.

“Don’t worry about me” T’Lanna offered a warm smile. “You’re right happy isn’t what I really meant it was a silly comment. “I want to make sure you’re feeling better before I even consider letting you leave here.”

Ryan nodded. He'd feel the same way. "I'll be ok. I usually recover pretty quickly."

“I just want to be sure” She smiled. “That was quite some panic attack you had.” She picked up her own drink and sipped it as she made herself comfortable sitting beside him on the floor. “To answer your question from a few moments ago I’m...okay” She offered a smile. “I was just putting a letter together for Jason’s parents to tell them that they’re going to be grandparents.”

"Oh, that's nice. I'm sure they'll be happy about that. Are you close with them?" Ryan asked.

T’Lanna shook her head. “Not really, I met them over subspace a couple of times but that’s about it really. Jason and I weren’t a couple, just good friends.”

"Ahh. Well still. I'm sure they can take at least a little comfort in knowing he'll live on in a way. It's good that you are including them." Ryan decided to give the couch a try, but as soon as he began to move away from his corner and his crouch, his heartrate and breathing spiked. He quickly curled back up, managing to stop a second round in its tracks. He offered T'Lanna a weak smile. "Sorry, not yet it seems. I'd rather wait it out than resort to Xanax, if you don't mind."

“Hey that’s perfectly fine” T’Lanna smiled warmly. “Like I said take all the time you need. Can I get you anything to snack on? I think I might get myself something to nibble, my appetite is starting to grow already not surprising given I’ve got a life growing inside me!” She grinned.

Ryan smiled. "No, I'm fine. Go ahead please, eat. You have license to have whatever you want too." He relaxed against the wall. "I feel silly now. It's not like I didn't know it was coming. I've been encouraging her to do just this, or well something like this, ever since we met."

“Well generally marriage comes after a relationship at the choice of both people involved.” T’Lanna smiled as she stood up and walked over to the replicator, ordering herself a healthy snack selection she returned with a tray and sat down next to Ryan again. “You weren’t ready but maybe the two of you could have attended couples counselling.” She shrugged her shoulders before picking up some fresh fruit from a dish of chopped mixed fruits.

Ryan shrugged as well. "I'll just keep looking forward." He leaned a bit forward. "Ok, let's play a game. My sister and I did this when she was pregnant. Come up with the most ridiculous names for the baby. I'm thinking Copernicus, very stellar." Ryan quipped.

T’Lanna grinned. “Err....Erm....” She frowned. “I don’t know what to say!”

"Ok." Ryan let the game go. "Sorry, didn't mean to put you on the spot."

“No it’s okay!” T’Lanna sighed. “I don’t want to spoil the fun. I’m just hopeless with names is all, I dread to think how I’m going to choose a name for this baby. Hell I don’t even know if I’ll be allowed to have him or her with me onboard ship.” She paused. “I’m not even thinking about that right now!”

"Fair enough. It's months away." Ryan attempted to uncurl again, this time managing to slowly and albeit a bit shakily get to his feet. "Ok, I think I can let you have your office back now."

“Only if you’re feeling well enough” T’Lanna offered a warm smile. “I don’t mind if you want to sit and have some company for a while.”

"That's very kind. I think I'm actually going to leave my paperwork undone, and even take tomorrow off. Let Emerick suffer a bit." He teased.

“I don’t blame you!” T’Lanna smiled. “We all need a break every now and then, I suggest you do just that.”

{OFF}

Lt T'Lanna Vali
psychologist

Dr Ryan Rose
CMO