Spring Cleaning of the Mind - Part II

Posted on Saturday, 21 May 2022 - 10:41am by Commander Soral & Lieutenant Alex Kingsley

Mission: Shore Leave
Location: Risa
Timeline: 2395

PREVIOUSLY ON SPRING CLEANING OF THE MIND....

He sighed. “You have not failed me. You made choices, I understand those, especially with the circumstances. I regret severing our bond but it was necessary for him to not know all that was in my mind. Together we have grown though this."

“You were taken, and were dying and I should have known,” Alex countered. “I should have known he was not you and should never have let him -“

She broke off that particular train of thought as she reclaimed her hand and stood, walking a few steps away and staring out at the ocean with her back to Soral. “The only choices were to save the crew. The needs of the many after all…” she wasn't lying, yet there had also been that part of her that had been hurt by his decision to let go of their bond, even if she could completely understand it and couldn't blame him for it.

A silence fell between them as she stood watching a little boat drifting on the horizon.

"I don't really know who I am anymore," she admitted quietly...


AND NOW THE CONTINUATION...



"I don't really know who I am anymore," she admitted quietly, hating herself for the confession which in and of itself just proved the point. "Memories, feelings... remembering what it felt like to say goodbye because my body was too weak to stay with you - with him. Giving birth to children I've never had, being so angry that I can't be with them when they are complete strangers to me. Things that are me, and yet not. Things I know, but never learned. And then there is us. Two different paths but we ended up in the same place."

He stood and walked over to her placing his hands on her shoulders. "The Katra is a tricky thing, that is why Vulcans have years of training. You must not be hard on yourself. Embrace all parts of you. I will help you."

“I feel so… tired,” she said quietly. “And alone. Even here… it is like a part of me is missing. The part that doesn’t want help, it wants to go back.”

"To the Mirror verse?"

All she could manage was a vague nod before she all but threw herself at him, clinging to him like a life jacket. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be unloading all of this on you," she cried. "I've done more than enough damage."

He held her. "You are my wife, I will share with you and you will share with me, it is the way that a relationship goes. Nothing you say, do or as you say unload is a burden. We will navigate all this together."

Her hold on him tightened a little at his assurance. Yet he had never been anything less than selfless, willing to put others before himself. She absolutely did not deserve his forgiveness.

“You kept promising that you were alright,” she said after a moment, pulling back so she could peer up at him and really look at him. “Are you? Really? No secrets, please.”

"I am...recovering. The time at the monastery was beneficial, the healers have done quite a bit of work."

She nodded slowly. “And they were happy that you came here? I’m not sure Risa has a lot of Vulcan healers on hand.”

"They recommended I stay on Vulcan but I came here to close things out at the house and prepare it for the next time we visit. I needed time to … reflect. Our recall orders came through."

“You should have listened to them,” she chided him. Although who was she to talk? Hadn’t she made a quick exit and headed to Earth to avoid the scrutiny of the Vulcan medics. “Orders… right. I have a confession. I don’t know if I am going back…”

He looked confused a moment. "Going back where?"

“The ship. Or whatever ship we have now- I heard the Captain blew up the Bear. So there goes the only two dresses I owned,” she sighed. “I just… I failed. I don’t trust myself to be back there. And the whole reason they lost the Bear was because I didn’t know you weren’t you, and ended up in a different universe. I don’t belong there.”

He put his arm around her. "Alexandra none of this is your fault. I trust you, the crew trusts you and so does the captain."

“Oh but it is,” she countered, “and if I hadn’t gone with them to get the artefact - if I hadn’t died…”

Her voice trailed off, lost in that most vivid and unsettling memory before shaking it off. “I need a drink, it’s too warm out here,” she said quietly before walking towards the house, sure she’d find what she needed inside.

Soral paused a moment and then followed. She was still lost in the memory of the other. It had concerned him. He had a suggestion but... she was not going to like it. He followed her in. "Alexandra wait."

She came to a somewhat reluctant stop just inside the doorway as she turned to face him. “I went running the other day and at one point I stopped. And I carved your name into a tree,” she told him, before looking away, “only it wasn’t. It was hisname, and the names of their children. But I love you. That hasn’t changed, I promise.”

"It will take time to get used to all this. You had her in your mind for so long. I wish you would let the healers help."

She let his words hang I the air before she gave a firm shake of her head. “No,” she said simply as she turned away and walked deeper into the house, right to the kitchen with its view out over the water.

Unsurprisingly she heard footsteps follow.

“The problem with Healers, is that they would try to help. To heal. And doing that would be a problem,” she mused as she found a glass and a bottle of something with no label but an interesting smell as she poured it. She downed the contents before speaking again. “And even as good as I am, the longer I stayed the harder it would become to hide from them.

You said I had no heart, no soul,” she said as she glanced over her shoulder at Soral before turning away. Harsh, yes. True, probably. But they had been his words not hers. “Perhaps the former is at least partially true - but I am a survivor. Even if this body is so much less than what I had before.”

She poured another drink. “This is good, even made it worth the trip.”

Holding the glass she turned, “it’s taken a while to feel like myself but she is so tired, she just hasn’t the strength to keep me hidden away. Her temper, her moods… it’s been deliciously fun. Yet she managed to keep me away from you all this time. Because she knew how much I wanted to see you. To tell you that he won. And I will only get stronger. And I will find my way back to him.”

Something flashed in Soral's eyes. He leaned against the wall watching her. There was no surprise in his eyes. "Fascinating. I thought it would take more then Takari Lixer to lure you out." He motioned for that drink. "That will allow us time to talk. Perhaps, Lexi I may even show you where you erred."

“You always talk too much,” she sighed. She studied him then rolled her eyes in exasperation as she brought the glass to her lips, tilted her head back and drained the contents before setting aside the glass. Not taking her eyes off of him she jumped up to sit on the edge of the kitchen counter. “You knew…. Or suspected at least. Clever boy. Was it something I said? Something I did?”

"Just as you know your Soral, I know my Alexandra." He studied her. "Shame you were in there and didn't know what happened to your Soral before we left the Mirror verse."

If looks could kill, he would be in serious trouble. “The Borg? I read the reports, you are a fool if you think they would really harm him. He is better than that. And I’d know if he were dead. He bonded with her, remember? You gave up yours. His is still there it’s just … weak. But when I get home it will be as it was.”

"Indeed. He was injured. Hamura, your Hamura and Mac are tending to him...after a fashion." He allowed himself a grin. "Would you like to know something that is different between you and I?"


TO BE CONTINUED...