Testing the Waters

Posted on Tuesday, 4 May 2021 - 11:49am by Lieutenant Ryan Rose MD & Commander Soral & Lieutenant T'Lanna Vali

Mission: Operation: Neu Reich
Location: Holodeck | USS Standing Bear
Timeline: 2394 MD 06

{ON}

T’Lanna arrived outside the doors of holodeck 1 for some strangely odd reason She was feeling pretty nervous about her lesson with Soral. After her explosive outburst following her father’s death Soral had promised to help her train to better control her abilities, but being without her senses for a little while she was worried what effect it might have when her inhibitor was turned off.

Being under medical supervision she’d asked Ryan to be present for this lesson, her inhibitor would remain on her neck just in case of problems she just planned to turn it off rather than remove it. Taking a deep breath she did her best to shake off her nerves and walked inside.

Soral was already inside. He'd prepared the holodeck especially for this. He looked around happy with what he saw. The temple was awash with sandstone and gold pillars. In the center were meditation pillows set around what looked like a fire pit but with no fire yet. He was in his meditation robes and stood at a table off to the side lighting incense and candles.

Ryan entered, with a medical bag slung across his shoulder (just in case) and his medical tricorder in hand. He looked around the holodeck, impressed. "Wow, is this a depiction of a real place?" He asked the XO.

Soral gave a nod. "It is called the forbidden temple on Vulcan. It pays homage to the most powerful of the old Gods of Vulcan, Shariel the God of death and rebirth." He looked around. "It has been long since I was at the real temple."

"It's amazing." Ryan was still looking around in awe. He made his way to T'Lanna though and spoke softly so his question wouldn't carry. "Are you up for this?"

T'Lanna was standing aside, she nodded as Ryan spoke. "I have to be ready Ryan, I can't stay shut off from who, and what I am forever more. I'll admit I've gotten used to relying on my Vulcan side more, that and my instincts. I need to be the whole me again. I'll admit it scares the hell out of me though."

Soral stepped up. "You will do fine and we will take this slow. Perhaps we can start slowly subtracting the inhibitor. Weening you off of it."

T’Lanna nodded in agreement, “That sounds like a good idea, I’ve never gone without my abilities for this long so I’m not sure how it’ll affect my control if the inhibitor is turned off all at once. When we were on the Andorian ship I had something to hold my focus, a chance to escape. That helped somewhat.”

"Indeed. You functioned well on the Andorian ship and despite your anger you followed orders. That shows strength."

“Like I said I had a plan to focus on, that anger is still inside here.” She tapped her chest. “It’s bubbling away under the surface, and I need to let it go but I don’t know how!” She looked at Ryan then back at Soral. “I don’t want to hurt anyone else, not after what I did to you, Alex and the crew. The sheer thought terrifies me!”

Soral placed a hand on her shoulder. "The doctor and I will be there to help you."

Ryan nodded his agreement with Soral. "It'll be fine."

“Thank you both” T’Lanna smiled. “So where do we start?”

Soral motioned to the pillows. "Meditation session. I'll take you through some exercises and the doctor will monitor with your inhibitor off then we'll do some with the inhibitor on. First Meditation to calm the mind and spirit."

T’Lanna nodded. “Okay that I can do.” She walked across to the pillows, sitting down she made herself comfortable ready to start the meditation session.

"Alright, Doctor can you switch off the inhibitor and monitor her?"

Ryan made a couple of adjustments on his medical tricorder and the inhibitor went into monitoring only mode. "Ok, it's only monitoring now."

Soral gave a nod. "At the first sign of trouble we need to switch it on." He turned to T'Lanna. "Are you prepared?"

T’Lanna took a few moments to answer, with the inhibitor off her senses had flooded back in one fell swoop. “I err ..” She closed her eyes to take a moment to focus. “Sorry .. yes” She opened her eyes and looked at Soral. “I’m ready.”

"I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Tell me what you are sensing."

T’Lanna closed her eyes again, and took a deep breath letting it out slowly. “I’m sensing ... everything! Love, hate, fear, happiness, the whole range of emotions, and the usual background hum of jumbled thoughts that are always there.”

"Alright, now I want you to focus on the love, the happiness, joy, and all the positive emotions. Allow them to blanket you."

T’Lanna nodded, she smiled for a moment as her thoughts zeroed in on Raith through their bond, and her son as well. She was feeling more from Jayce now than before, the sudden realisation set in that she had inadvertently affected his mental development in some way with her outburst. A rush of anger, and disappointment in herself for allowing herself to mentally explode the way she had, her breathing increased as did the negative readings from her monitored inhibitor.

Ryan didn't want to interrupt the session, so he just turned the readings towards Soral, so the XO could see the readings.

"Focus, T'Lanna ignore the negative focus on the positive. You must learn to function without the inhibitor."

T’Lanna focussed on Soral’s voice, calming herself by taking another deep breath she refocused on the happier emotions she could feel, Alex’s love for Soral stood out loud as did Soral’s love for Alex. It all helped to wash over the anger and pain she felt at her father’s loss.

"Excellent," he said giving a nod to the doc. "Now. I want you to use your senses start numbering the positive emotions and naming them out loud." He turned to Rose. "Doctor this is where will need you. Keep an eye on the readings and be prepared to act quickly if needed."

T’Lanna nodded. “Okay ... 1. Happiness, 2. Love, 3. Joy, 4. Satisfaction, 5. Pride, 6 ...” She paused. “6 ...” She shook her head unable to name anything else. “I ... can’t name anymore.” She frowned. “Why can’t I name anymore!?”

"That's alright. Those are good. I want you to take the five emotions and I want you to see them as orbs separate from yourself. Don't feel them just see them as floating orbs. Name them and place a colour to the emotion once you can see them clearly in your mind."

T’Lanna sighed she was finding it hard not to feel the emotions she was keeping bottled the pain, anger and sorrow from her father’s loss. She hadn’t even let herself grieve properly. She envisioned the orbs as best as she could. "Happiness.. orange, Love... red, Joy... Blue, Satisfaction... purple, Pride... yellow.” She paused but then started naming again. “Anger... Black, Sorrow...” She shook her head, and stopped herself.

"Not yet T’Lanna. Just see the positive ones. "Alright. Pick up the red orb. Now think of Raith. Picture his face in the orb. How do you feel thinking about Raith?”

T’Lanna moved her hand in response to seeing the orb in her mind, holding her hand out like she was balancing the orb on it. Her mood changed as she saw Raith’s face. “I feel happy, calm, like I can do anything as long as he’s with me.”

"Good, now see your love for him inside the orb where his image is. Do NOT feel the emotion of love. Just see it as separate and in the orb. Can you see it?"

T’Lanna nodded. “I can see it.”

If she had done things right she, herself, would feel numb like an observer. "How do you feel at this instance."

“I ...” T’Lanna paused. “I don’t feel anything.” She frowned feeling nothing didn’t feel right at all. “I don’t want to feel numb Soral, I’m not emotionless.”

"No but you need to be able to view emotions separate." He turned to Rose. "Take this as a second baseline doctor."

Ryan did so, understanding that Soral had the expertise here. He was happy to follow orders, and hopefully help T'Lanna.

Soral sighed. "Alright. Now, I wish you to go through the crew again. Identify five negative emotions and see them as spears with a colour associated. Name them and the colour."

T’Lanna nodded, this was going to be the most difficult. “I feel... anger - red, hate - grey, unhappiness - blue, rage - black, jealousy - green.” She paused her own emotions were tied in closely with some of those emotions she was sensing. Her breathing increased as her emotions increased with what she was sensing.

"That's better. Your vitals are increased, but nothing like before." He turned the PaDD so Soral could see as well.

Soral sighed. "Now the difficult part. Pick up the rage orb and see your conversation with your father in it...you must be numb this is just an observation. Doctor if she shows signs at all of telepathic activity get the inhibitor working."

T’Lanna nodded and took a deep breath, she was still angry after what happened to her father, so much so she was already feeling the emotion as she reached for the orb. At first she touched it, seeing the final conversation with her father. As it reached its crescendo her emotional response shot up, tears ran down her cheeks, and her telepathic readings started to rise sharply.

Ryan turned the inhibitor back on in a hurry, then went to T'Lanna. "Hey, hey. I came prepared." He handed her a tissue from one of his pockets, putting his other hand gently on her shoulder.

T’Lanna offered a nod as she accepted the tissue. Wiping her eyes she gave Soral an apologetic look.

Soral sighed. "I believe that is enough for one day. It is a start. A strong one. Doctor how long would you recommend rest before we try this again?"

"Well I would prefer a week, but I think 3 days should be sufficient." He looked to T'Lanna. "What do you think?"

Having regathered her composure T’Lanna nodded. “I can do that, I have to.”

"Ok. Three days then." Ryan gently squeezed T'Lanna's shoulder and offered her a smile before heading out.