The D Word
Posted on Saturday, 22 May 2021 - 10:27am by Commander Soral & Lieutenant JG Hayashi Hamura
Mission:
Operation: Neu Reich
Location: USS Standing Bear | Holodeck 1
Timeline: 2394 - MD 10 0500 hours
ON:
Soral sat in the holodeck. The incense smoke coiled and curled around the room which was designed to look like a Vulcan temple. Things were getting difficult. He was feeling more and more of his Pon Farr and that coupled with troubling thoughts was keeping him awake.
He’d left Alex sleeping and snuck out. He needed this time alone to meditate except that now that he was here things seemed different. He didn’t want to be alone. He could talk to T’Lanna but could he bare his soul to her? No, not like that, not since she was friends with Alex.
There was Mac and Haru, the three of them shared much but they would try to convince him that his thoughts and concerns were not valid and just a result of his condition.
As if by sheer need his mind conjured another image, an image that had just entered the holodeck.
Hayashi showered and changed into gym cloths. It was early still but meditation was needed. As the doors parted Soral’s image came into view. “Senpai,” Hayashi gave a small bow. “My apologies I did not see the holodeck booked.”
Soral waved a hand. “No apology needed. I did not book it I just came. I needed some meditation time. It is interesting I was just thinking of you.”
Hayashi raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“I require your help.”
“Of course, Senpai.”
Soral watched as Hayashi came in and sat down on the seating pillow across Soral.
“What can I help with?”
“I require an ear to give voice to troubling thoughts.”
Hayashi smiled, “I remember saying something similar to you. Of course, you have it.” Hayashi’s eyes narrowed. “This must be serious; Mac is your go to.”
“Yes, normally but he will try and convince me my thoughts are not valid. I am in Pon Farr.”
“Ahhhh, I get it. Insanity by Pon Farr. Very logical on his part.”
Soral gave a smile. No matter the seriousness of things Hayashi had a way of putting people at ease. “Something like that.”
“So, what is it that is giving you trouble?”
Soral paused and thought about it. “My wife.”
Hayashi’s eyes widened. “Oh?”
“I wrote to you about Soval and Severine, and N’vek.”
Hayashi gave a nod. “Yes, and Seleya.”
“She is now on her way to her new family. Her aunt.”
“Oh well that’s great, right?”
“Indeed. A good family.”
Hayashi have a nod, “So what’s the trouble? Alex had issues giving her up?”
“No.” He paused. “I do not think she feels like a mother yet. She sees the children as just there. I do not see her wanting a connection with them.”
Hayashi opened the Betazoid senses that always seemed to help. “And you are worried she won’t ever connect to them.”
“Yes. This is true and I wish her to connect to the children.”
“You are worried that she won’t ever connect to them and you want them to have the love that you never had as a child.”
“Yes, your senses are getting impressive.”
“Well, you did give me cart blanche to read your mind years ago.”
“I did.”
Hayashi bowed. “I am humbled by your trust.”
“I worry that I cannot give them what I never had or understood and I wished them to have a mother that could do that.”
“What about your mother-in-law. I’m sure she loves them and spoils them.”
“Yes, but if they feel Alexandra does not like them or connect with them it will be difficult for them.”
“Can you speak with her?”
“I have tried. She is more worried about pleasing me and about how our torn bond has affected me,” said Soral.
“You think that it’s a show.”
Soral shrugged. “My thoughts have been in many directions.”
“I have a feeling one particular.”
Soral gave a nod. “Indeed. I have been wondering if she is too young. She is much younger than I and it is unfair to put this life on her. I have been thinking of divorce.”
Hayashi gasped. “Dirty word for Vulcans.”
“Indeed. But perhaps if I free her from the responsibility, she could … live her life and she can find a husband who is younger one that will go at her pace.”
“You’re that worried about the relationship with her and the kids?”
“Yes.”
Hayashi was silent for a long while. “I see. There is no simple answer to this. It is not something that I can advise you on it is something that you must figure out yourself and something you must decide.”
Soral gave a nod. “Correct but your listening without judgement is a help.”
Hayashi smiled. “Yeah. I get that. But I do have one bit of advice.”
“Oh?”
“Perhaps speak with her about all this. It’s hard to hide your thoughts and you will have to bond with her soon to resolve your Pon Farr. If you do decide on the ‘divorce route’ you’d have to end the bond again and it will be just as traumatic for the both of you.”
“Yes. I will have to decide before we bond.”
Hayashi stared at Soral. “I do not envy you, Senpai. I am…similarly troubled.”
“Oh?” Soral looked up. “I shall return the favor if you wish.”
Hayashi thought a moment, “It has to do with Oriana.”
Soral suppressed a smile. “Oh?”
“I am…attracted to her.”
“You are an epic flirt, Hayashi.”
“Indeed, as you say but this is different. I want…more than flirting.”
“That is different. But to do that you must be honest about who you truly are. She must accept you as you are.”
“That’s what scares me. What if she doesn’t?”
“Then she is not worthy of you. You are deserving of love and support. You are deserving of someone who will accept and love all of you and it is illogical to settle for less but to find out if she is worthy, you must speak your truth.”
“How very Zen,” Hayashi said. “You’re right. I guess I know what my next step is.”
Soral gave a nod. “Indeed.”
Hayashi sighed. “Alright, enough mush. Shall we meditate?”
“Indeed.”
They both sighed and prepared for a deep meditation. They’d both spoke what troubled their heart and they were now able to find peace in their meditation.
OFF:
