Location: T’Lanna’s Office
Timeline: After release from Sickbay
Adrianna had tried to keep up with the shrink appointments. Frankly it was difficult around recent missions and life, but she knew it was helping her recovery from Ekos. The damage done was not something covered in traditional Baciami training. She was struggling. With T’Lanna's help though, it was getting better.
Now in a maternity uniform, Adrianna sounded the chime to T’Lanna's office and waited.
T’Lanna wasn’t officially back at work yet, she had dropped into her office to grab a few PADDs. She looked towards the door as the chime sounded, she wasn’t going to turn away anyone who needed her. “Come in”
Adrianna stepped in and smiled, "hope I'm not interrupting. Finally have a minute to drop in."
“Of course you’re not” T’Lanna smiled. “Just don’t tell Ryan you’ve been here to talk to me, he’ll have my hide!” She motioned to a seat as she sat down and made herself comfortable. “Grab a seat”
"That's fine with me," Adrianna replied, "as far as he's concerned, I came to have lunch with you." She took a seat with a relaxed sigh and found a comfy position.
“How are you doing Adrianna?” T’Lanna looked at the other woman curiously. “I’ll warn you now, I can’t sense you very well my senses are still pretty fuzzy.”
" You aren't missing much," Adrianna chuckled, "I've been OK, to be honest. Minus a few nights where the nightmares - - memory ones, have been coming back. I remember my mother saying why my sister in law was pregnant, that she had really vivid dreams whilst pregnant."
“It can affect you that way” T’Lanna nodded. “The good dreams and the bad ones. Have you been keeping a diary? It might help you to write it down and look it over to make sense of it.”
Adrianna nodded, "and I pray to any gawd that Leopold doesn't find it. It sounds like I'm plotting bloody murder or that it's a suicide note gone wrong - - not that they can go right, I suppose. But you know what I mean."
“You can store it here if you like, there’s a spare drawer in my desk that you can use.” T’Lanna motioned towards the left hand side of the desk.
Adrianna thought about it, "maybe. It's currently in my desk, locked away." She smiled, "I love Leopold, I'm not going to scar him for life."
T’Lanna smiled. “I’m sure he’d understand, you’ve both been through so much together. Now...” She motioned to Adrianna’s baby bump. “You’ve got a whole new chapter ahead of you both. What will happen once your little one is born? Do you plan on staying aboard?”
"Under our current captain, I can stay," Adrianna replied before sighing, "it is to the discretion of the new captain as to whether I stay though I'm enlisted, so they'd have every right to kick me out in favour of another ship, maybe base. I'd like to stay though."
T’Lanna nodded. “It makes me feel kind of guilty that Captain Stillwater allowed me to keep Jayce onboard ship. I doubt our new Captain will start off on the wrong footing by changing things too much.”
"I'm braced for both events," Adrianna shrugged a little, "it's nothing to feel guilty about. At the end of the day, I know we'd be safe where ever we are. We have eachother after all." Adrianna saw it in herself. It was very soppy and almost philosophical for her. Pregnancy was changing her.
T’Lanna smiled and nodded. “I was going to let my father look after Jayce until Barret said I could keep him aboard. If I had then I’d have lost not just my father but my son as well. I knew then I could never be parted from Jayce, if he had to go then I’d have to join him.”
"Mother's instinct," Adrianna commented, "it's the reason mine don't join me when I ran to Starfleet. She had the rest of my brothers to tend to. She hopes she can get the others onboard with doing what's right, or at least be there for my neice and nephews who my grow up with a conscience."
T’Lanna offered a warm smile, “So how far along are you now? Are you both looking forward to being parents?”
"Over half way," Adrianna replied, "due Christmas ish." She paused thinking about the question. In a setting, like with T’Lanna, she could be honest without judgement, though speaking to a psych was still new and uncomfortable territory for her, "I think we're both excited to be starting a family. Shocked it was so soon, but excited and happy. I think, for myself anyway, though I would assume Leo may feel the same," she paused, running her fingers through her hair, "it is a little daunting, perhaps even scary, that we are starting a family without amazing role models. We almost start from scratch, or start with the view of knowing what not to do. And then the usual doubts, that I think all parents get: will we be good enough. But, let's face it, we won't be the worst."
“I think you’ll both make wonderful parents Adrianna.” T’Lanna smiled warmly. “I wasn’t expecting to be a mother myself, Jayce’s father Jason was my best friend. We weren’t even a couple! We woke up together one morning after a party and not too long after that he was killed. The rest, as they say, is history!” She stretched out getting more comfortable. “I have my life to live again, just as you do and I plan to live it to the fullest.”
Adrianna smiled, nodding with agreement, "it'll be nice to have a new focal point. I won't lie."
T’Lanna nodded. “That I can understand, but don’t run away from facing what you’ve been through. In the long run it makes you both stronger to accept what happened to you, and to move on.”
"Do you not believe running is easier?" Adrianna asked, "it is more a chapter I would like to end, and never read again. That said, I know that it haunts and will continue to do so. Getting free of my family business and joining Starfleet, meeting Leopold and getting pregnant-- in a life of almost 30 years, I would expect more milestone, positive moments."
“Running is never the answer” T’Lanna offered Adrianna a small smile. “It just comes back to trouble you, it’s better to face the negative and move on to the positive. Saying that it’s never good to force matters either. Better to let nature take what course it will, and gain help when it’s needed.”
Adrianna seemed to suddenly go off, focused on something internal. After a moment of deep thought, she finally spoke, though in a slight monotone as she kept composure. "Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing-- leaving the ship for a start elsewhere. I still get looks of pity from my staff, my ability to work is still questioned, even by a chief of department, who frankly is too young and immature to be a head, whilst on mission. This place, whilst it is a reminder of a lot of good things, it has also the memory of the events unfolding, my fault, that led us to Ekos." She ran a hand over her face, "I can't keep running, I know, but would it could as running or putting things in place to help recovery. It's been months-- I feel better but others don't seem to see me that way and now that I'm pregnant, they won't for some time. Standard change from being an officer to mother and officer. I'm sure you saw it when you had Jayce.”
“Not everyone will treat you differently, I’ll admit being a mother adds a new dimension.” T’Lanna paused. “I’m still adjusting to fitting family life around my onboard duties, but I have good friends and Raith here to help me.” She gave Adrianna an understanding smile. “Whatever you decide, don’t rush into it. Make sure it’s what you truly want first.”
"You're right," Adrianna replied with a nod, "if you could have, do you think you would have changed ship to somewhere safer?"
T’Lanna opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. There was a brief pause before she answered. “To be honest I don’t know. If I had to leave to be with Jayce I was prepared to do so, but I didn’t want to leave Raith. Plus you’re all my family now, I’d be lost without the people aboard this ship. This has become the place that I call home.”
Adrianna nodded, processing. There was similarity in circumstances. Adrianna had come to think of the crew as family. Stillwater who, though was leaving, was quite a father figure, Soral was the weird uncle that was over protective, Alex was a sister she could be open and honest with and various others. Even Doctor Rose and T’Lanna had a special place in this weird somewhat disfunctional family set up. She finally smiled a little, "again, you're right with the crew becoming familial. I suppose on a ship this size, it would be difficult to not form relationships like it."
T’Lanna nodded. “I just hope our new Captain doesn’t change that, I’m not looking forward to loosing Barret but I understand his need to go home. He’s become quite the father figure to those of us in need.”
"Agreed," Adrianna replied, "doesn't stop us visiting or contacting him though."
“That’s the blessing!” T’Lanna grinned. “At first it felt like I was losing someone else I care about, but knowing that made me feel a whole lot better.”
"I'm sure he'll get sick of us and we'll have restraining orders within a year," Adrianna chuckled, "on that note, I shall leave you. I have taken up a lot of your time when you shouldn't even be working."
T’Lanna grinned. “Rest for two days and then if I’m lucky light duties. I won’t tell Ryan about this and hopefully he’ll be none the wiser!”
Adrianna shrugged and offered a cheeky grin, "it was a-- what do they call them-- mother's meeting."